Establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship is an important component that allows both individuals to feel safe. Boundaries can be thought of as knowing what you want and do not want within your relationship.
There are three main types of boundaries:
physical boundaries
those connected to space and the body
emotional boundaries
those connected to being in touch with your own emotions and letting others own their emotions
mental boundaries
those connected to your thoughts, values and opinions
It is important to identify your own boundaries by thinking about what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable, then to share these boundaries and expectations with the other person. Both individuals should feel comfortable to share their boundaries and not fearful of what the other person might say or do.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Boundaries
| Healthy | Unhealthy | |
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| Physical Boundaries |
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| Emotional Boundaries |
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| Mental Boundaries |
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Tips to Maintain Healthy Boundaries
Balancing Time Together and Time Apart
As wonderful as time together can be, it is important to spend time apart as well. Both individuals should feel free to spend time with friends or alone without having to get permission. It is healthy to have independence, friends outside of the relationship, and hobbies in order for each person to grow individually and bring their best selves to the relationship.
Allowing Privacy
You shouldn’t have to share everything with the other person. Everyone needs space and a sense of privacy. Passwords are private and you shouldn’t feel like you need to share them with the other person. What is ok to share online about the relationship is an important conversation to have.
Accepting Changes in the Relationship
It is natural for relationships to change and grow over time. The things we prioritize in our lives, our interests, and even the things we like to do together develop as we do. Both individuals need to allow for change to happen and this often involves communication. Sometimes the best decision might be to end the relationship and if so, it is important for both individuals to respectfully accept the change and be able to let go.
Respecting Limits
It is always important to respect one another’s limits, especially those connected to intimacy. Limits can change over time and even day to day. Always listen to and respect the limits expressed by the other person. Being comfortable with something in the past does not imply comfort in the current moment.
Need additional help thinking and talking about boundaries in your relationships?
The Counseling Center is a confidential resource open Monday–Friday 8:30 a.m.–5 p.m., with extended hours until 6pm on Wednesday during fall and spring semesters. The easiest way to secure an initial consultation is by making a same- or next-day appointment via the Wellness Portal. Students can also call or come by the Counseling Center to arrange for an appointment.